the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are the jesus of drinking
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
