Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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