I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
