You made me cry and you don't even care
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
