So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
