you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
