I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
