you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
