this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
