Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
