My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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