I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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