She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
