everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
