I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
