just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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