So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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