Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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