Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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