my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
