too bad you live with your parents still
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
