She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
