mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
