Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
