I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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