pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
