just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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