My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
