Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
