Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
