so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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