You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
