im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have fence marks all over my body
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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