my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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