So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
