with your own penis?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
