I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
