I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
