im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I stole a fireplace last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
