this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
