tell your sister to shave her snatch
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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