just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Please don't give away my fajitas
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
