they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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