Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
