She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
