I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
