this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
