insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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