And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
