Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
