Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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