And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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